unemployed husband won't do housework

During a row recently I told him to leave,wasnt really sure I meant it as what I really want is a change in attitude and a job, but he refused and I know he has nowhere and no one to go to. When he just lost his job, I finished my vacation course and looking for part time and expected he will get some work no matters full time or part time. He became impatient since he got depression and sometime like a stranger to me. Everything We Know About the University of Idaho Murders. I want to live alone. So hubby got me to sign over my share in the house in Sweden and stop being employed by his company. Id love to go on and on, but lets just say Im jealous of women whose spouses are gainfully employed. The first instinct is to be constantly patient and supportive, because you love them, but there are points when I start to question my own life and where its going. The money that I could have used for holidays, new cars, new clothes etc have been used to support my sisters family, all while her husband did no show any serious efforts to take over the role of bread. Ive got to the stage where I feel im on the verge of collapsing under the strain if things dont change (which looks unlikely). Its a clear case of people who are unemployed by choice taking advantage of partners who are not going to leave them-kick them out in spite of the fact they are completely fed up with them or so they say. Its just too much for one person to handle. Yes, you signed a lease. Stays up late at night. I think Ill stay with my mom for a few weeks until something changes. Get Free Advice Immediately. Email your money conundrums tomytwocents@nymag.com. I have a Degree with 2 masters, I have worked all over the UK and US, but I have no job! Unless youre working temp jobs, if you dont have a regular paycheck in my book, youre unemployed. This person is very moody and is difficult to get along with when they are in one of their moods I worked with this person in the past and saw first hand the way they spoke to and generally didnt get along with their coworkers. I can tell a long story of my life with him and everything we been through but it would be a book. In a respectful, loving way ask for what you want. I try to keep the faith but its hard. :). It has been 6 months since he moved in and he hasnt helped a lick with anything. now almost 53, extremelely depressed, and unsocially unaccepted. Call and set an intake appointment for him asap. Trying to figure out how to do that exactly. For the second time. Thank you for your comment. But I have been the sole breadwinner ever since our kids were born. I understand the strain having been through similar situations myself. It certainly doesnt sound like he contributes that much anyway. This desire to emotionally protect their husbands was expressed by multiple women, including Sandy who would call her husband daily while driving home from work. I think what if something were to happen to me? There has to be a point in time when something clicks in your head and says time to grow up. Stir up some excitement by finding fun ways to get your husband mentally involved in the chores. I dont know what to say her i am going into a very bad depression now. The weekend at your parents house thats all squared away because she organized it and packed. No. Dont be afraid to take matters into your own hands. Get Extreme: Go On Strike. I guess for better or worse doesnt exist anymore. None of this was easy though and it took years to work throughbut trust me when I say to you all, it is worth it. You have to face up to the fact this guy set you up to be the heavy lifter while he does as he pleases. Keep a sound point of view. As you aptly point out, you are now middle aged, have no children and no support from your husband. I promise that if we did this for FIVE years and are in a happy place now, its possible. This does not go for ALL men. But knowing and doing are two different things. I should have had a lawyer. So do what you need to do for yourself because clearly they arent worrying about you. I had no idea when we gor married that anythign like that was even possible, but I love my wife and stood by her, even as she tearfully admitted to herself and to me that she could never be a teacher. When do I get my break?? Its not affordable at all. Any advice is much appreciated. My husband has been essentially out of work for 5 years. But, I felt sorry for him and people helped me when I was finishing off my doctorate, so I figured it was my turn to pay the world back, in a way. This has always been an unpredictable paycheck, but I work very hard to make somewhat of a decent living. Every penny is spent on his two ungrateful gimme gimme gimme girls. and i have been many of these comments, in fact, i came to this website because this is my situation. I get replys like oh your so dramatic, f. You. While Im grateful for all the things he does that arent money-related grass-cutting, car maintenance, toilet-fixing, bug-catching, chauffeuring we could be doing so much better on two incomes. In my situation me the girlfriendunemployed for three months. I have become depressed myself due to the weight gain, watching him waste his life and my choice to waste my own by sticking by him through all this. You already know your answer. He hasnt had a job since i graduated high school. He does do the housework and cook but its only the two of us in a one bed flat. Your second shift begins the minute you walk through the door and the kids run to you. He traveled for year doing consulting work for 1 client. Unfortunately, the environment they lived in previously has enforced many poor habits, as law-breaking and prison-culture was a rule in their mothers home, rather than an exception or an example to be learned from. A study published this month in the Journal of Marriage and Family provides a step towards understanding their emotions. I made the mistake of doing it all to save arguments and all it got me was years of bitterness towards him and myself. Depression can completely kill a persons drive or ambition to do anything including looking for-obtaining work, finding a hobby or performing chores. I came across this website not because my partner is lazy or unemployed. He can also just volunteer to fill these gaps in employment history. So it was not easy for him to get job. Then a 3 month temp job that ended with ..surprise surprise a back injury, 10 months of workmans comp and a small settlement to pay him off. I've heard this argument a lot, from the husband's side; "my wife doesn't cook or clean!" From the wife's side; "I shouldn't be expected to do all the cooking and cleaning!" This is a hotly debated topic, but one thing I do know - when one spouse isn't pulling their weight, the marriage is likely My Wife Doesn't Cook or Clean! 70% of families were dual-income, versus 10% wife only, and 20% husband only (approx and rounded). About 4 weeks after surgery, she .. went back to work fulltime. Please do not do anything to hutt yourself!!! My husband gets nearly everything he wants. Losing a home we had created, my marriage, my closest friend, his family, and an idyllic lifestyle because I had been too pigheaded to work at a certain type of job led to a massive depression. I mean none. But, I do everything around the home. I think that is part of the problem, we feel so alone as I imagine, like myself, no one else you actually know is going through a similar situation. We have 4 beautiful kids Im taken care of, bills, him ext. I have tried bundling bills, cutting cable and streaming services, changing our diet, not eating out at all, and now I have to take more drastic measures. Avoid criticisms and judgments such as, "You never do any housework! NO! Is he a good man or a lazy shit who pretends hes a good man just so you leave him alone, thats called playing you. I love him but all of this is kind of turning me off. Ugh reading all of these comments makes me think of my current woes. Yes he gets loans out but loans wont cover us for long.. Its annoying he wont do retail we wont do food. When that happened I just tried to help the person gain more skills either online or with classes. Except those with children, What the biggest challenge for most of us are our emotional vs rational. Maybe I have been too patient and supportive and should have been a nag all along, but that would have been contrary to who I am :-(. I understand you may not want to leave your bf as he somehow may give you some emotional support. Ill admit it did give women a sense of individuality and a more self-sustaining way to provide for themselves and their children should the husband up and leave them. Even if you're not sure he is abusive and/or believe he can change, have an escape fund and an escape plan, and people around you to make sure you're safe when you're leaving/kicking him out. I make 77K and we use a food pantry. Cant she see how exhausted I am trying to carry the burden alone? Im setting a very stern stipulation: give part of your income toward the household, and if youre not working? many interviews. All our savings- gone. Ive had resentment for yearsand have directly told him that I cant take the burden of being responsible for it all. I know from your post there is no love from him because why else would you have a thought of taking yourself out?you are in pain and he fails to elevate his manhood and maybe is looking for a free ride. He doesnt know how to network (or wont) he wont talk to anyone about it, he has no friends and relies on me solely for everything. One thing for sure..I will receive no medals for my efforts to try and make this marriage work. There will never be statues made in our likenesses, nor will there ever be a Remembrance Day for the daily wars we fight but know this: you men will never take from us our most important resource the ability to get up one more fcling time than you knock us down. So I lost my dream. He feels bad hes not helping. Yes, we are talking about it and we both know we want it, but there is no firm plan. Hear me. Let him find out what it's like to do his own cooking and laundry to provide for his own needs. This leads one to believe that my position is steady. So naturally, they not only want to prevent that from happening, they want to send your partner away feeling less than and thinking that something must be lacking within themselves to make them not good enough to even be offered the position that they (your partner) thought (and was probably correct) that they would be perfect for. Ive been with my husband for 22 almost 23 yrs, have a 20yr old son, 15 almost 16yr old son & a 12 yr old daughter together. At times like this, its easy to lose faith, cos I feel like this is a punishment from God for me, as I married a non-believer. Thanks! Try to take everything of yours out of the place you are in now and transfer the mortgage to him. I pay for all the bills- all our production cost etc. Best of luck to you! Walgreens Wont Distribute Abortion Pills in 20 States. How much longer do I give it? I am in disbelief. What happens when you tell someone who has nothing that they dont even have a home any longer? The last three shes totaled about 3 months of work. Does money play into it at all? Attitude can have a lot to do with it as well. Ive tried broaching the subject of his returning to work and the response has changed over the years: no one to pick up kids, etc. My honest advice would be to really, deeply consider if you want to stay in this marriage. Dont know how much more we can hang on. Im tired and stressed and need soemthing more than just love. Very easy when youve never ever been there.. I will have to return to work very soon because Centrelink only gives me 18 weeks leave. That evening, I lost it and yelled, What do you even do all day?. Im working like a dog and still livign paycheck to paychekc all because of her, and then I come home and have to cheer her up so theres some chance shell help us get out of this massive hole she lead us into. The GOP has introduced more than 20 bills targeting drag shows this year alone. Trying to make you feel bad before you have enough time to think about that statement.

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