why do serial cheaters want to stay married

Why do serial cheaters want to stay married? For most I believe they have something lacking in their own character and it makes then easy prey for an affair. I think everyone here has given you great advice Sarah. Why Do Serial Cheaters Want to Stay Married? 3. However, I would say I was naive and frankly, stupid. My h ow, was also recently separated, kids, broke, stressing out how she was going to pay for her family, so of course all the sob stories to my h were about that too, ohhh how am I going to live, where am I going to live, blah blah blah. What did the affair process look like? Im sure you felt all kinds of crazy emotions after you talked to him. I had to stop reading it. The thing is, not all affairs are planned out with plenty of forethought some are spontaneous experiences that even the cheater couldn't have anticipated. I would not have had to listen to my teenage on call my husband a f p when the whole story came out. Shame and embarrassment especially when you tell what happened to your circle of friends. I dont plan to be a cheater ever again though, it just doesnt even interest me. I was new to the job and he was a tease and a flirt. Its all he knows and his marriage is a safe place for him. Terms of Service/Privacy Policy/Affiliate Disclosure. This is the difficult aspect to deal with. Loved doing it. When a serial cheater is caught, they will look for different ways to justify their behavior. They feel a sense of entitlement. And you might say its up to my husband to put up boundaries well he does and I have even been present at his work when he does. Yes your husband fell for cousin Its sob story because he had to in order to justify the affair. It shocked the hell out of my husband when I finally threw him out. Is anyone else like that.? This gives him the freedom to continue hurting her because he thinks that shell stand by him no matter what. Here are some common traits that repeat cheaters share. So why do people keep cheating? In the history of the world, it hasnt happened. She believed he was only with me because if the children, because she was so wonderful, why would he stay with the wicked wife, unless for the children. I would not take this lightly. This, in my opinion, keeps you too tied to him in your mind. So watch for red flags like walking into another room to take calls, answering late-night texts, or keeping their phone faced down on the table whenever you're around. Share on Facebook TryingHard, Either way, cheating is bad, and I sincerely hope that you never fall victim to a serial cheater. In most cases these decent women just could not see through the narcs insincere flattery. I know what you mean about the pigs. I think he was at least a sociopath. If she has any sense of shame at all, she will at least feel embarrassed. Why do cheating husbands stay married? I am not shy but he made me blush and nervous and heaped a lot of praise and attention on me. Their past behavior is a good indication of future behavior. Those are great recommendations in fact, I have done all of them, including keeping a log of emails, except I have not yet confronted her. That's pretty much it. I felt so alone, I felt she had finally got her way, then I read others post, some of the blogs, and everything just made more sense. 2. Are they unhappy in their marriage so they had an affair or are they unhappy in their marriage because they are in an affair? Period. The truth is, anyone can be unfaithful it just depends on how you define the term. You did not succeed in breaking us, you did not know who you were up against, that was your biggest mistake, not knowing who your opponent was, you thought you knew, but you had no idea. After he starts having affairs, it is easier for him to continue than to find other ways to handle marital frustration. The garden you tend will be the one that grows. I saw the other day that Craigslist love affair said sex with her affair partner was terrible. Spouses who stay in these situations report: If you do decide to stay with a serial cheater, you will need help. What happened to non-bias information? Everyone seemedclose. Of course hes going to tell you that this one was emotional the others were just purely physical and guess what hes telling his wife the same thing about you. Either way his w would have found out the truth! Red flag 3: He picking the woman who he knew was just getting back into the workforce after raising kids. So TH the quick answer is no she didnt reply. I have four of these traits, but at a very low level. Total ignoring is needed, no socialing of any kind. Winters said. I made myself nuts during the aftermath trying to answer the whys, not to mention making my H nuts withe the same. I have this rule in my own marriage, for both of us. "They can look you in the eye and say things such as: What a long day at work,' when they were actually with another person.". He tells himself it will never happen again. So why do cheating husbands stay married? My best friend always reminds me that any man who is successful, nice, and even just okay looking is going to be a target for some women. Alternating between feeling numb and striking out in retaliation. But here goes: Q: What did the affair process look like? I want you to quit hating yourself and hating HIM! Some unfaithful men still love their wives and yet need something more. Extra cheating affairs are not a big deal for them to quit a marriage relationship, so they just stay married and enjoy the rest of their life like this. She had arranged it, and had placed them down as h and w, but using her first name and our surname. Thankyou Sarah, but honestly its ok. If only you had been sexier, more attentive, more available, more loving, more.whatever the other person possessed that seduced your husband. The Psychodynamic Process Enables Cheating In the quest for narcissistic supply, the somatic narcissist resorts to serial sexual conquests. Next I would print out any emails, log any and all conversations and events that you feel are over the line. Wish I could invite you all over for a Chablis or two. Youve come a long way over the last 2 years. This really is a terrible story and I am so sorry you have had to go through it. Oops, didnt get to finish my comment. I guess these guys cheat to prove they can, especially since they are sorry lovers a lot of the time. She only wanted to answer to the men. Anyhow, during the time he was cheating on me, I remember that he would make random comments about how I was not the life of the party and how that was a bad thing. My h didnt want to end up alone. First, you need to find out if the cheating party is truly sorry and decide if both of you want to stay together. Im a stay at home Mom with two very young kids and he controls everything. I remember wanting to wallop my AP when we got caught after a couple of weeks he said you wont tell (my wife) about (my previous AP), will you?. For some, a one-time thing is a total dealbreaker. They enjoy the thrill of experiencing something new. Now I think for most of the female affair partners it is so hard to reconcile the fact that you gave the best part of yourself to a pig! If that would have happened, should would have had my husband, my children, and my home as well as business we established together. "Calling out the wrong name in the heat of passion is a faux pas that's hard to backpedal," Winter explained, while pet names are easy to remember, especially if someone is sleeping with multiple partners. They're just louder and more conniving. They might justify their. (The thing that works in my favor is my husband secretly hates that type of personality, but again, he is nice to everyone and makes sure to avoid conflict). Im not jealous, but Im not putting up with that shit either. The ow, we talk about, are the ones that have no conscience, who seek out married men to manipulate and take the life of the unsuspecting wife. Hey Gizfield, introversion is great and introverts play a wonderful role in society! Oh, no! A cheater's secrets can often be revealed through their recent calls list, in text messages on their phone, or a private folder in their email. One-time cheaters will care more about their partner's feelings and reactions. My AP didnt make me do anything. To be specific, three personality disorders; Narcissism, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Psychopathy. Yet, he hasnt figured out where hes going to live, how hes going to tell his friends, or what the divorce process would even entail. I raise virtual champagne glasses in celebration: may what happened during those two years be only a tiny blip on the radar of a healthy, long-lived, loving, and fruitful life together. But rest assured, if you are dating someone who is truly remorseful for their mistake, they likely won't carry that habit with them into the future. Serial cheaters consistently cheat on their partners, even when they're in committed, monogamous relationships. He may come to see how loyal, devoted, and giving she is and recognize that hes not going to find anyone else who loves him like she does. 8) They act on impulse. But if your partner starts seeing other people behind your back, don't be surprised if the first sign of infidelity is distance. Now, my husband did not make me feel that way it was my ex fiance who did. How This New Yorker Went On 28 Dates In 28 Days, It's Hot When People Call You By Your Last Name, Karly & Deb Found A Simple Way Of Making Long Distance Work, Caroline & Nat First Met At A House Party Over A Decade Ago, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. A cheating spouse may not truly care about his affair partner at all. Other men are afraid to hurt their wives. But if you've caught your partner once and you're wondering if they're going to do it again, these habits can help you figure out which category of cheater they fall under. Serial cheating is nearly always the result of men marrying for reasons other than love Citizenship, for example.Add into that equation children that guilt the father into staying, despite the fact that the marriage is, and always has been loveless. Your heart must have been broken. These type of ow dont let go that easy. You were both actually victims of this guys narcissism. Maybe on way of shutting her down is if your H would turn and say Well why on earth would you stay with a guy like that? Thankyou very much Doug, I think my h has come a long way, since dday. Definitely, I know, although they want to act single, they dont want to be alone either. So, I think now, he sees, there is no more helping relatives, unless it is both our immediate families, because they just used him, each one he had helped. These types do not scare off just because you two pronounce your happy marriage. As a friend who goes to alanon says: You did not cause that persons problem, you did not create their issues in their life, and you cannot control that persons life in a way that brings them goodness, or otherwise solves their issues.. It is more fun to pull a nice, clean non-pig down into the mud than to wallow with a pig who is already there. Detective Gomez, of the Gomez Detective Agency, lists a few potential warning signs of a cheating partner, including: Compulsive cheaters will go to great lengths to hide that behavior from a partner. Turns out "once a cheater, always a cheater" is true. I hope your new job is going good and that the remodel to your home is brilliant as well. Anyone else out there have ideals similar to these and stick to them in all situations? Truthfully sadly I STILL dont see him in a bad light . These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. my AP was my first boyfriend, my first lover, I truly thought he was my soulmate, one true love for YEARS. Don't feel bad if you've ever fallen for a cheater's false promises and lame excuses for canceling plans in the past. (But, I also know he talks a lot about our marriage in an extremely positive light. No "you made me do its" allowed. (I wasnt married to my ex which shouldnt have made a difference but it did, his refusal to commit made me rethink my faithfulness.) Dr. Paul Hokemeyer, a licensed marriage and couples therapist, told Fox News that couples who stay together after infidelity have compelling reasons to do so. I would have been livid. Thank you for sharing those tips. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". Immediately after I saw my Turd for what he was, I had and still have , absolutely NO FEELINGS for him whatsoever. She is NOT married to the guy. As relationship expert and author April Masini tells Bustle, serial cheaters are used to cheating. Eventually that all dies down, but even though you might not be showering one another with the same attention or affection that you were at the start of it all, typically some kind of spark is still burning. If it walks like a jerk and talks like a jerk, ITS A JERK! Because they wanted to. Serial cheaters get and stay married because on some level they too want a companion to share their life with. Covert narcissists will also use more passive-aggressive methods of manipulation as opposed to overt narcissists who will create chaos openly. The victim card never goes down. He should beat her to the chase. Just found out about my husbands second sexual affair. You may even become your own detective, going through his phone, emails, pockets, and online activities. The only way to know for sure is to have an honest conversation. If your girlfriend cheats on you once, odds are shell cheat on you again, and again, and again, because according to a new study, the more times a person cheats and subsequently lies about it, the less guilty they feel about it, so the more likely they are to do it again, over and over. Talk about not knowing that you dont shit where you eat!!! That kind usually never changes. Nothing a cheater does is your fault, but the second they start rationalizing their affair aloud to you, it can be easy to forget they acted on their own accord. Never cared, it wasnt my business. (Only no one will know it!). Having obsessive thoughts centered on what your partner has done or is currently doing. I would recap her sins to date, and tell him you are compelled to take further action. These ow, who claim to be a good caring person, one that is praises herself to be a wonderful mother, yet does not care about the young children whos lives she tears apart, because her needs are more important and above that of the mms children. "Somewhere in their history, whether its parents, mentors or the culture they grew up in, they saw cheating as normal," she says. He stands to lose too much if he leaves. It doesnt matter what job you have (or the ap has) there will always be another you or another him and it will happen again until you wont allow it to happen again. You could have knocked me over with a feather, as it was the last thing I expected. 5 Ways to Fall Out of Love After Infidelity, 10 Definite Signs That Your Partner Is Fantasizing About Someone Else, How to Affair Proof Your Marriage: 15 Important Ways, 15 Signs of a Histrionic Narcissist in a Relationship, How to Make an Anxious Avoidant Relationship Work: 15 Ways, 15 Signs of Narcissistic Parents-in-Law and How to Deal With Them, 15 Signs of a Clinically Covert Narcissist Husband, Why Do I Attract Narcissists: 10 Reasons & Ways to Stop It, Denial Stage of Grief: Signs and How to cope, 10 Ways to Deal With Your Husband Not Wanting You, OCD and Sex: How OCD Can Impact Your Sex Life and How to deal, Treading Carefully: Getting Back Together After Separation, 3 Ways Separation in Marriage Can Make a Relationship Stronger, 10 Things You Must Know Before Separating From Your Husband, 12 Steps to Rekindle a Marriage After Separation, How to Have a Trial Separation in the Same House, Tips For Dating While Separated But Not Divorced, Feeling No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, How to Get Back Together After Separation, 6 Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying About Cheating, 5 Signs That You Are Living in a Toxic Marriage, 7 Important Tips to Build Trust in a Relationship, 10 Effective Communication Skills for Healthy Marriages, 20 Signs of a Married Man in Love With Another Woman. (Complete opposite of myself) Well, that was the guy who ended up cheating and then I left for good. Oh well. Leave, divorce then single will be for the taking. The good news is, the place where he works has shifts and different employees are rotated through different shifts constantly. too many rules and regulations. New beginnings and happy days ahead ( although some concrete floors and plasterboard walls to be finished .). We talked openly on fb a lot (sign). Recent statistics from the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy confirm that over 57% of men and 54% of women admit to cheating. In his defense, which you wont hear often, lol, I have never heard my husband flirt or act inappropriately with any other woman in public or in my presence. A: I remember liking him as soon as I met him. Even so, he keeps on cheating again and again because of two reasons - they can't live without it and they know they can get away with it. They might have childhood issues where they feel unworthy of love and avoid intimacy. Each and every one of the men I've met who fall into this category realize that if their wife discovered their infidelity that she would be very . (It would appear that she is a full-blown narcissist, by the way). Sexting? I just pray that you have some support when you arrive in your new town. Now hes trying to bide his time until he can figure out his next move. So here are some habits serial cheaters are more likely to have than one-time cheaters. That is what matters. December 6, 2019. Surviving repeated infidelity may be too much for the betrayed spouse within the context of the marriage. You are right that she does not want my friendship, but wants my life. I am getting pretty p****ed off at the situation and it is getting under my skin. My h knew before how much he meant to me, and now he knows even more, and he shows me more than ever before. I know which wine goes best with a slab of steak, but, for a slab of butt-kicking, not so much. She has invaded so much of my headspace, that I should be charging her rent. "They also lack remorse when confronted with making mistakes and hurting the feelings of their partner, as indicated by being . The other things learned thru this is that these are not strong women and men. 7 Things To Note If You Have A Cheating Partner, How To Cope With Anxiety After Husbands Affair, How to Combat the 5 Glaring Effects of Anxiety After Infidelity. She knew my H had cheated and she was just setting herself up to be the next one. Others cheat simply out of boredom. I am on good terms and friendly with several of his co-workers and know that he has never crossed the line. On the other hand, they still prefer a safe and comfortable marriage life. The rarest of personalities. Constant anxiety if you cant track down your spouse. How and why did it end and who ended it? I spent a year being told the problems in our marriage were due to me, so I tried to fix me. Sometimes those folks who are the life of the party and all affable on the outside are dealing with a lot of demons on the inside and unfortunately you werent privy to those but you can bet the wife was. But, I wanted my husband to understand going into it that he took the whole package or nothing at all. But, the good news is, I am observing a change in society that started to begin in the early 2000s. 9. (I mean, the stereotype is that men want the variety that another woman provides and that women embark on this path because their husbands cannot meet their emotional needs.). Reason 1: You teach people how to treat you. Quite honestly I know exactly how you feel. It sounds like the best way to go about this is legalistically, like you suggested in keeping logs about everything and gathering data. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. They found that what they term as sexual personality is the most likely factor to increase the likelihood that people will cheat. There was never any resolution to his parents behavior and they never changed. But the problem started long before, when she dated and soon broke up with her college boyfriend because he was seeing other women. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". How did he find these suppliers. The cheating is serial or a pattern of behavior. ", In the beginning of every relationship, there's a honeymoon phase when everything's coming up roses, and you can't keep your hands off each other. He might have mountains of credit card debt and his house might be littered with doo-dads he does not need. He has not worked with her for 3 weeks. One day, I think it would be useful for me to list all the things he said about his w and me about my h cos frankly we probably all read from the same script !! His Meyers-Briggs was ESTF. But, if you both decide to give your marriage another chance, there must be uncompromising compassion toward . So she could see, how nice it was. Learn how your comment data is processed. Let's walk through the 6 reasons that a wife should ALWAYS leave a cheating husband. They dont want to break up the family or start over. Serial infidelity has been correlated with personality disorders. The guy was not married either. This kind of behavior, however, is a reflection of something deeply rooted inside of them. I have observed that when men have affairs, they start to find flaws in the partners personalities to feel better. Congrats on your anniversary. The disruption of sleep, eating, work, relationships. Instead of the women fighting each other, they bond over wine and plot their revenge which includes spiking his drinks with estrogen so that he grows breasts Consider his actions since youve found out about the affair. But a locked phone especially, You might recall this trick of the trade from the 2006 teen dramedy "John Tucker Must Die," but apparently the three-time cheater's strategy of calling his three girlfriends "baby" and "sweetheart" wasn't just clever writing, it's a legitimate tactic cheaters use to make sure they aren't mixing up your name with their. Its a power play on her part. And by the way, I do not blame his other girlfriend for doing those things because I got to experience through my friend the level of mind-f****ing this guy used in order to keep his victims close at hand. It sounds like your AP wasnt truly showing you his real side as most dont. I asked if his wife had got my letter and he said yes she saw it but she still wants to smash your face against a wall. Be patient and kind to yourself. These traits just make him more than likely to have affairs and continue having them. Even so, he keeps on cheating again and again because of two reasons they cant live without it and they know they can get away with it. Narcissism: This person displays pathological selfishness, an extreme sense of entitlement, and he is always looking for new sources (people) to feed his ego. Then he sets a boundary and she emails me againand on and on. Your husband should go to hr and find out what rules of engagement exist in his workplace. Now, hes not way too friendly with all of them primarily the pretty ones. They are masters at seeming believable," Wish explained. So she is not one to give up easily. Of course as you know she still tries to call, at times gets through to talk to him, but he doesnt give her the time of day anymore. For numerous reasons, but most of them are quite selfish. People can go into the friendship with the best of intentions, there can be no attraction (at first), but then as the friendship progresses, things can quickly get out of control if given the right circumstances.. can be unfaithful it just depends on how you define the term. I guess, I gave her the ammunition she needed to get my h to help her, and potentially leave his family for her. Or is the emotional damage just too deep? Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV. The wife made the fatal error of trusting him AGAIN!!! I think I would have been very upset from the get-go as soon as I saw that happening. Nice people. It could have turned out so different. Your actions dont have to match your words. In one hes the responsible husband, and in the other, he gets to be wild and crazy. Keep in mind, they're chronic liars, but they're not smarter than everyone else. In other words, their actions won't match their words. Covert narcissists, on the other hand, are more likely to employ the silent treatment as a manipulative tactic. So good, in fact, that LeslieBeth Wish, a noted psychotherapist, author, and founder of. Their past behavior is a good indication of future behavior. Front of the pack leading lives with integrity, not anywhere near those maimed creatures. In the comments to my previous posts on adultery, one recurring theme dealt with "serial" adulterers, people whose behavior shows a pattern of repeated cheating.This can involve repeated affairs . And what's most heartbreaking about these statistics is, of those who had been cheated on and found out about it, most probably never saw it coming at least, not until it was too late. Gauche, indeed. For example, from my husbands personal archives, he told his GF stuff like Id talk to you til the phones go dead, I could talk to you for days , blah, blah, blah. In other words, theyre gifted with charm and rhetoric and what to say, others not so much. BAM, NOW WHO DA BOSS?? So skanky breathe, this is to you. The other ones he keeps for himself. If you've been cheated, trust that you're not alone in this experience and, though this is hurtful, it doesn't reflect on your worth as a partner or person. They think they do, they think they know what the wife is all about, but they dont always have a clue. A cheater never takes the blame on themselves. You need to care about your well-being and your wholeness as a person. Egads I cant wait, havent had a glass for three days and I swear I think Im getting the DTs its been a long freaking week.

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