funny responses to what are you doing this weekend

But if someone says what are you doing tomorrow night and I say painting my toenails in front of Netflix, that leaves me without a graceful out. One of the costs of challenging social rules is that it makes it harder for people to learn them. I get the rude stealth favor askers too and it irritates. That is AMAZING and I love Gladys (and you) and that is going directly into my repertoire for Dealing With Those Extroverts. That might be some of what LW is sensing in terms of it seems like you want to ask me but youre afraid: maybe for them, saying I would like to do X this weekend, can you come? is an invitation THEY would have a hard time refusing even if they didnt want to do it. Im a hardcore introvert, most of my plans are sitting at home, not doing anything in particular and if I answer the question truthfully, and then there comes the invitation, Im in a very tight spot because I already admitted that I dont have anything serious enough to warrant me declining the offer. (My brother and sister in particular also had to learn from both their friends and myself that, just because they love me and love them doesnt mean that were all friends) I could only imagine if that question were followed by an expectation of service or freedom to assume I was going to a thing. Also Go ahead and get your friends to hate me and think Im mean, if its ever helpful to you. This is something that consistently bothers me too although in my case its more just that I dont want to answer that question with my coworkers ever. Funny Responses to "What Are You Doing?" I love having something witty, funny, or even sarcastic cued up in response to one of the most common questions asked in any given day. OMG yes! Julia has been . Ive got a couple things going, do you have any plans? I saved up enough to move out. In a lot of cases I dont think its meant to be manipulative, its just a verbal tic. Indeed. I went to a lot of meetings I did not want to go because of this, cause I pretty much was cornered into it after admitting I have not set plans.. But I like to think that Im better at saying no now, even though people do sometimes react badly. Its technically true and covers pretty much any emotion you might be feeling. I love you. How can I ask in a way that minimizes that feeling? I also (insert similar hobby or interest). Well, here's that question again: do you know what you want to do with your life or are you still trying to figure it out? not? After reading comments, Ive come to the conclusion that Ive over-generalized my preference (anxiety? Turning oxygen into carbon dioxide. I get that youre saying you dont do this often and you see it as a minor part of your relationship. The vague redirect is also a standard, recognized move. Message Example #6: ( Note: A long message like this example is a better fit for dating sites like Match, OkCupid or POF. I wish people could just say I want to do (thing) do you want to do (thing) with me?, All I can tell ya is what I have been doing for years: It gives them nothing, and forces them to divulge their plans. Me: Nope. Example: What are you doing? Theres a great body of research on the pileup of mental stress on the interrupted person, and the habit encourages the interrupter to indulge in constant watching and judging of how another adult spends their R&R downtime, which isnt good for the interrupter either, since it breeds resentment, often of a very petty kind. I clean up nice, don't I. But then again, Im always the person who answers strangers who say Are you X person with Who wants to know?. What are you up to on Saturday? has often been my go-to when dealing with someone (like my sister) that I *know* will feel pressured to accept whatever Im suggesting whether or not she wants to or has the time/energy for it. And I try to be easier on myself for not having more exciting weekend plans. Something like this happens every single time. Eating. I've Tried, but No One Listens Hopefully Not as Good as I'll Ever Be If I Was Any Better, Vitamins Would Be Taking Me Okay. Indeed, I often hear it as an attempt to trap me into doing something. This way Im letting them know why in the same breath, and giving them a potential out. I am admittedly very sensitive to potential power issues, so I have a hard time seeing when theyre really there and when Im just reacting as though they are. Helen Huntingdon mentioned interruptingI just want to say, thats a helluva an assumption. This might just be a difference in communication styles. As in, What are you doing? is another way of asking What are your hobbies?. Me: No can do. Want to go to the turnip festival with me or are you busy? Well, Im not busy but I also dont want to go to any turnip festival ever. And she might feel hurt that Id rather do nothing than do something with her. If its as specific as Thursday, thats true, but I find when its a larger stretch like the weekend or the holidays its just as likely to be an attempt to get to know you and learn about your hobbies, interests, routine, etc, and find out if you have anything in common/have a life they find interesting/etc. And so if it happens to me, I wind up agreeing to the thing even if maybe I normally wouldnt have, because now I have no valid excuse for declining. This one is a bit tricky for me. When I have no plans I tend to respond with some variant of Just chilling, and then if the person offers something that I want to do, I can decide its more fun than chilling, but if I dont want to do it, then its been a long week and I just really need that chill time, you know? Before people jump on this as reading too much into the situation, I want to point out that at in many, many cultures (I actually work on related research so Im familiar with a lot of academic studies on the topic), the preferred way to refuse a request for help is apology+reason e.g. So the question layers, starting with are you free Saturday? Are a strategy Ive used to hopefully take the pressure off other people. LW is pretty clearly not talking so much about people making casual small talk as people being roundabout manipulative. It gives the impression that Id rather do nothing than spend time with you or help you with something (which may very well be true, but is often not a conversation worth having). Him: Doing anything else? I think w/ friends, if youre open to the getting together, you can say, Were you thinking of trying to get together? in a hopeful tone. This applies in other areas of life too. Right now? Id like to leave you with a couple of last thoughts to consider: One is that you say she has reacted to, We are going to by hearing a command and responding accordingly. I also like the advice to just tell people I interact with regularly that I dont like that question. So I love this response cuz its keeping it real! I'm sorry I can't really talk right now. I actually get this a lot from people who are actually trying to start conversations, rather than invite me somewhere. But it is a cost. My own mother STILL phrases things the way she did when I was a teen like, How would you like to take out the garbage? well, I wouldnt LIKE to take out the garbage at all! Nobody listens anyway. I dont want to give you a rundown of my plans. I absolutely support you insisting on it and tossing her out on her ear if she doesnt want to. (Like, Im the kind of introvert who is good with people but I know a few who are just exhausting and who drain my battery super quickly), Could you have a conversation with her about, Were gonna have to schedule when all of our kids are walking to school. OK, you want to ASK if hell help you w/ your home maintenance, fine, but these are not HIS chores anymore. I do have a preference for having the What are you up to Friday? question asked first though because I appreciate that they want to respect my schedulewhenever I book hangs with my good friends, we let each other know what blocks of time are going to be rough to fit each other into and know not to ping them too much during those times. My response if Im up for it is Looking like a fun one, but did you have something in mind? If Im probably not up for it I say All the things! Can we not with passing judgement on the validity of the LWs feelings about this phrase? If you're taking a vacation and staying home, your clients or coworkers may still expect you to pop into the office and answer their emails. My answer to this question is almost invariably Not sure yet, why? or Havent quite decided, how about you?, This might elicit a Well I was just wondering if youd like to to which I will respond, That sounds better than what I was planning, count me in or Hmm, thanks for thinking of me but I dont think Ill be able to this time. I do want to clarifyI miswrote: if my daughter says she needs to take some mental health time and thats why she cant spend an hour helping me w/ a family project, thats not fallout worthshes busy. However, there are a lot of male people who use this approach on female people because they are trying to be coercive. You dont sound like you belong here isnt really the friendliest way to get to know someone, even if the intentions are good. I miss you though, can we plan dinner soon? And I have a date Saturday, but I would love to get a phone call-catchup on the calendar if youre freemaybe Sunday afternoon? (These examples are all people I want to spend time with I also use a lot of swamped this weekend! Sometimes I deal with anxiety all weekend and its hard not to judge myself for that. I too have found that nobody seems offended if I respond with a cheerful: Why? Without answering their question at all. Doesnt work with friends / family obviously, but I have to consult my husband every single time when it comes to sales pitches / offers in retail / invitations from strangers etc. Yak shaving is a programming term, although Ive also seen it in other contexts. I also ignore We should hang out soon! It doesnt replace actually reaching out to me and trying to set up plans. Yeah, I do the same. I mean, they might not vote for an actual white supremist, but that belief is definitely lurking there (like, even if they dont vote for an out-and-out white supremist, they still have the belief that white people are leadership material than poc); and they might not say these things to your face, but they will do/say things that prop up model minority nonsense (eg, anti-Blackness in the presence of other racial minorities) and are nice only as long as you stay in your place and dont challenge them as long as you dont call them out or challenge their perception of what poc can do, as in your example. You enjoy making this girl smile and make her day with your humor. If she wants to NOT have some other grownup setting a price on her activities occasionally, she can get a job and move out, and then I wont be saying, a couple of times a month, if youre home tonight, I need you for X.. It generally meant that they had read somewhere on some really stupid website that you should try to get the girl you want to talk about herself, because girls like to talk about themselves. How odd to be on both sides of this! Lets get together. But you have never issued a direct invitation to me in your life. Yup. In conclusion the rules arent really all that different. All of these. Oh, yes, white supremacy/racism in action. Youre my first choice, but you are not my last hope., (3) So, I know this is a little awkward, but recently Ive realized I like you in a um well, in a romantic way, and I would love it if we could maybe go out on a date sometime and see how that goes? For acquaintances, the way you do in Sweden will also work in the US. 3. And we do know that extreme surveillance is a very brutal and destructive form of torture. Whaaaaaat. Which for neurotypical types, is something that may not be hard to adapt to, but youre kind of being set up to failbecause that kind of question is exactly the kind of thing you would have been taught to do in kindergarten. Her Kid: *rings doorbell* again my mum says shall we wait for you? Notice how it starts off with a light compliment. I get the friendly sentiment, but its not always welcome and people would do well to use more discretion. He doesnt need to be that nosy about how you spend your time. Part of why Im asking is I just plain find it baffling that parents do this, though the consequences loom large enough. Oh LW this might be one of my very biggest pet peeves. Thank you!!! 4. Men who constantly try to manipulate women into doing all their emotional labor is a ridiculously huge problem in American culture right now. Plus, young women and girls arent stupid they know that most people will view them as being at the absolute bottom of the dominance pecking order and will resent it if they dont answer questions put to them. The second interpretation of this question is, what are you doing in life? FRIEND: I am available [date]! It means people will help you less, go out of their way for you less, give you poorer recommendations for your next job, and on and on. Yes! Im well aware of that risk. or are you busy?). I think lots of people, especially women, are socialized to think that confidence is impolite, so they try to sound unassertive. If you want to push them to just say why they want to know, ask. 1. I wish that just once I had the wherewithal to respond to a manipulative invitation like LW describes with the classic Phoebe Buffet line: Oh, I wish I could, but I dont want to.. And I understand many of your points. Personally, Id recommend not babysitting at all for six months to allow cousin the time to get used to the idea that LW is not cousins handmaiden, then seeing if LW can re-engage with the cousin in a mutually respectful manner. They may be angling to invite you somewhere. Ill assume thats the case and check back later. This relationship goes both ways. Lots of commenters here are noting that people ask about weekend plans as small talk. If youre female and you answer, and then he decides your time sounds like it should be at his disposal and asks for a date, and you dont want to go, now youre stuck in that ugly probabilistic space where various sorts of threats, anger, and violence may be coming at you. single. I dont know many people who issue we should hang out soon with the expectation that the recipient is then supposed to plan an event if they agree? Today I feel blessed and happy for no reason. Im pretty thoughtful about when I feel Im entitled to expect her participation, and when Im not. So I know what youre talking about. Its the same here. Or is it more like she doesnt get involved into such decisions but you expect her to follow through and water your radishes? Im right there with you. Answer with small truths. When we nearly got evicted from our housing situation, I was critically busy trying to find an apartment for me and the housemates, and it kind of annoyed me to have friends pinging me like Heyyy, I miss you, can we get lunch this week, without finding out if I was actually available first. Its okay that I struggle with anxiety. But more often we talk about their kids or grandkids or the cute hat theyre wearing or the wedding theyre shopping for. I have learned over my decade plus of retail experience that the key to small talk that doesnt annoy people is to feel out what they seem excited to talk about. Lets do it.). There were several problems that led to the death of that relationship, but communication (on both sides) was for sure one of them. Here in Scandinavia using this question might lead to really strange conversations since people might assume that it is indeed a serious question which deserves a serious and thorough answer (though this varies between different countries and areas). It feels like a lot of just Use Your Words advice is setting people up for a shock when they realize that their coworkers or acquaintances are offput by it. I dont think there is the slightest thing wrong with wanting something in the way of rent for the houseroom and resources she takes up. The people asking the question are rude and betraying their bigotry. What are you doing this weekend? Glad that this day is not that worse. Here we're providing you with some better ways to respond to when your partner or girlfriend says, I hate you when you know they say it jokingly. Hence the claim some of your time, or even the if youre available as a way to say, you have to have solid plans if youre going to tell me no; you cant just say you dont want to do it.. Sometimes we dont have plans, but that doesnt mean Im willing to just let her do any old activity. A playful Why, whats up? is cool, but I am probably not compatible friends with someone whose response to a polite-small-talk/soft-invite-opening is to demand why I am asking such a nosy question. So, sometimes it is a trap! Its been pretty good policy.) Your tactic of combining the two points is the right way to go, I think. See, shes trying to force you to perform niceness and capitulate because its hard to think of a way to get rid of her that wont make you look like a bitch not performing socially-mandatory niceness. Why do you ask? is my go-to response as well. Should I keep doing what Im doing? This is my first time commenting because so much of this rang true. For me, it was lack of basic adult civility and respect that was the death knell I didnt expect safety or that level of support after 18 and didnt feel wronged that it was not given. - Casey Stengel Some other commenters have pointed out that sometimes people use this question as an conversation opener or in order to seem polite while they actually want to tell about their own plans. - Ogden Nash - Old timers, weekends, and airplane landings are alike. Weekend gone! Thats a way it can work, certainly, but why is it magically guess the exact time theyre free and what they want to do with no input if the person who first said lets hang out is then suggesting a time or activity, but something other than magically guessing if the person who first said lets hang out and is told yeah, we should is the one saying Saturdays are good for me, how about you? or Ive been meaning to see Black Panther? If I catch myself, before they respond lll clarify what my actual invitation is. So if you say Im probably going to that new movie, they dont ask and youre not put on the spot. !" This suitable during the Halloween period. The week after is all good. *drops a house on MLM guy*, Heh. I expect either Oh were going to see New Movie/having a picnic/running errands or I dunno, usually followed by how about you? Its a low pressure small talk question, most of the time. I think it would be helpful for folks to give LW the benefit of the doubt that she/he is not taking the time to write in to an advice column over very simple coworker small talk questions. What are you doing this weekend? I will have to remember, the next time I must declare myself to a new prospective partner, to offer up the alternative plan of talking about dinosaurs for the next ten minutes and then never bringing it up again. The only exceptions are: 1. I do have quite good boundaries with my family (after years of building them) and definitely only babysit when I want to. They say hey, and you reply with the same. It's time to break the silence and let her know that she shouldn't be nosing into your business when her life isn't anything special. Probably just working on some homework. He said, Oh yeah? and just went on, no indication that he was asking for any reason other than general curiosity. It always makes me a little uncomfortable, because Im not used to grocery store cashiers asking me how I am. Good, I just saw the cutest squirrel.. Was he not getting back to her soon enough? "Hi" or "Hello". But when asking, I still tend to ask in layers so the other person has many outs to either say no or express no. Mild office small talk is fine with me, and I have a few coworkers who may become friends. Go For a Walk: One of the simplest and most fun things on weekends is going out for a walk. And its hard to argue with. Nowadays I usually use The Captains great script: I do not know yet, I have to check my calendar. Especially since shes not working during the dayshe only HAS leisure time.). I have a couple of friends/acquaintances(sp? I dont feeling hes hitting on me exactly, though I am not answering in a way he likes/expects (am I supposed to be chatty bc Im young-ish and female? To those who are wondering why this is such a big deal when its just a social pleasantries thing: I *almost* put this in my original questions but left it out for length and (I thought) irrelevance -The question does not bug me at all when people ask at work or social functions as a way to make conversation. Two main reasons that I can see: 1) They want to get to know you better and talking about how you like to spend your weekend is often a great way to do that. I understand theyre looking for an ice breaker, but its not that interesting to talk about Ill probably get to laundry if Im not too lazy. I wish there was another common conversation starter among people you already know. My blood pressure. Best of luck to you, dear LW! Funny Responses to Rude Comments Sorry fella, I don't have the energy to pretend to like you today. Giving my notebook a bath. This comment has clarified a thing for me. Im sure its benignly intended but its intrusive. (via Shutterstock) 7. Okay, how would that be couched in terms of a lease you would give to another renter? )/co-workers, who usually uses the So what are you doing this weekend? as an opener to telling me all the awesome stuff theyve planned for themself for the weekend. This is a very funny response to give to "whats up." Later that evening I find out through facebook that HE went out ice skating, with several of our friends, and he had never even mentioned to me that he was going, let alone asked if I wanted to come too! Ive realized that people sometimes ask this question to start a conversation about the weekend so they can tell you all about their exciting weekend plans. ), You can also be very vague, but leave the door open for follow-up if you want to share. I dont understand the point of the question. Wake up late Sunday morning and go ride or play in the mud. Him: Doing anything fun today? If its just to bond, asking about past activities might be an easier way to accomplish this. I like the fact that at my workplace, anything of that sort gets a polite reminder to all that US citizens come in accents of infinite variety, and its rude to imply that people arent from here in the same way that others are over something like an accent. So if theyre just chatting youve invited them to talk about their own weekend, and if they are in fact leading up to an invitation, then youve been vague about whether nothing interesting means lots of chores, or free time. 18. Especially if I have reason to suspect its just going to be some variation of wanna hang out? if you have something concrete to suggest, lead with that! Im really only comfortable with this question in that context from very close friends who I can trust to react well to Thanks, but Im not really up for X. Otherwise, the question makes me feel that Im being manipulated into agreeing to something before I know what it is. 3.If LW does not want to do the babysitting or isnt available for it on weekends, that should be a separate conversation with those people and maybe set of boundaries to discuss with them. It doesnt actually mean how are you? in the same way that goodbye does not actually mean God be with you. What it means is, I acknowledge you, fellow human being. In some ways, its helpful to think of it not as a phrase but as a pair of words: how-are-you, fine-thanks-and-you. And do you trust the asker not pull a But you SAID you were free, that means YOU PROMISED!(for me, someone who puts pressure on/pouts/lays on a guilt trip after I say no to an invitation gets an automatic LOL NOPE FOREVER response. I guess its a cultural thing, I come from a non-English speaking country in Europe and here, I feel, admitting that you dont have Plans-Plans, and then declining an invitation, would be seen as pretty rude. Canned responses are pre-written messages that allow customer support agents to respond to customer issues at the drop of a hat. Theres always some kind of obligation, because theyre my parents and I love them and I want to honor what theyve done for me in giving me a great life. 3. Because shes a family member. I actually have an answer for this one. For people Im close enough to be snarky with Its depends Are you asking for fun or work?, I like this, but Id go maximum snark and phrase it as, Is this about business or pleasure?, I say Ill have to check. I use the phrase same old stuff! In this situation. While we're sure there are plenty more things people do for fun, these are some good hobbies to mention: Outdoors activities like rock climbing, hiking, cycling, etc. I actually trained my mother out of this question by responding to every vague What are you doing on X? by saying Tell me what you really want to know. Fortunately, my mother is a reasonable person who understands boundaries, and mostly just laughed and said Good point, Z is going on and Id like to go and wanted company. She also totally gets my introversion and that sometimes I dont have anything going on but Id still rather not do Z is a perfectly valid answer. How about you?. I don't know, you tell me. From the sound of it, this is a dynamic already in place where LW faces various sorts of family opprobrium if LW turns down the cousin, and this is what LW is reacting to. And suddenly many things became clear. I wonder if some variety of Im really flattered that you asked and I want to hang bout, but I REALLY need to recharge this weekend, maybe we can set a time that works for both of us? might be a good script? Rob: Hey Jan. Good, thanks, you? Then they can ask for details to make up their minds, or just shut you down with a no of preferred firmness if the event doesnt appeal. Im super introverted and have medium to high levels of anxiety, depending on the situation. How hard is it, whats the timing, is it just for me personally (thats a favor), or is it for the greater familyHER greater family? I had a hard time staying employed and taking care of myself because I have a chronic illness, and the alternative to living with my parents would be to figure out how to apply for section 8 housing and Disability, both of which have a long wait list. 1. That said, you do have to be ok with saying no. This week is bad for me, but next week Im free except Tuesday. It helps that at this point in my life Ive stopped associating with people who dont understand that sometimes you can only have so much fun and then you need some time to like, open all your mail and pet the cat. For me, it makes saying no so much harder. That way your daughter can organize her time (which is an important adult skill) and gets some input on what is a chore and how important it is (which allows her to build other adult skills) and she wont get interrupted that much (which to you doesnt feel that way but her story looks probably very different). Three-day weekends would be perfect if they were just four days longer. 2, They ask assuming Im also from somwhere else, prepared to bond over that and my answer is almost always a small dissapointment and Im never sure quite what to do with that. UGH. (Right Now): What are you doing sometimes means at the very present in which activity are you involved in? ***I realize some people do not have strong preferences about things I have read the CA letters about this very subject and sometime it is okay to say you dont have a preference, but it never hurts to actually engage in the decision making process instead of just dumping it all on another person.

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